Vader and the King: Where Is Your Force Now?
by Lord Kuroishi
Summary: To escape from a seemingly unpleasant life, Kinbu Wamia becomes a rogue Jedi, only to wind up as the new mascot for Burger King. Rated M for later chapters
1. O Master, Where Art Thou?

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of… well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 1**

**O Master, Where Art Thou?**

A lot of stories set in this particular universe often begin with "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away." This implies that the story takes place far off into the past, in a completely different galaxy from this one. Knowing this, one might assume that real world icons such as Starbucks and Burger King don't exist in this fictional galaxy. Well, in this particular story, some of those real world icons play an important role. The typical Star Wars purist may criticize the author for including corporations and inventions that shouldn't be in a galaxy far, far away, but think of this story as an elaborate way of saying the author couldn't care any less, and neither should the reader. Therefore, the author's advice in this case is to not worry about certain details in this story and just enjoy themselves.

Having that said, it's time to get on with our story. It starts a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. If that's not specific enough, it starts in the Jedi Temple at Coruscant. There, Jedi Master Yoda is instructing a class of Force potentials into properly using a lightsaber.

"A lightsaber," said Master Yoda, "is the trademark weapon of the Jedi Knight. Careful you should be when you attempt to wield one. A razor blade, it is not. A flashlight, it is not. A glow-in-the-dark dildo, it is not."

"What's a dildo?" innocently asked one of the Younglings rising from his seat.

"You don't need to know," replied Yoda, as the young Force potential sat back down, with a confused look on his face.

:It was at this moment that one particular Youngling was growing impatient. He was always eager to use a lightsaber, but ever since his first day of training, all he ever learned was how not to end up a Darwin Award winner due to poor lightsaber skills. Each passing week, he'd get up from bed thinking that today would be the day he'd handle his first lightsaber, only to be disappointed when Master Yoda would instead give him another lecture, complete with improper grammar. So as fate would decide, today would be the day that this Jedi-in-training would have enough of it.

"Seriously, Master Yoda," complained the Youngling, "when are we going to be actually USING lightsabers? I'm tired of listening, already!"

This gave the Youngling the attention of Master Yoda and every other classmate. They all turned their heads toward the Force potential with an awkward stare in their faces.

"Kinbu Wamia, one must learn how to properly handle a Jedi weapon in order to make their lightsaber," said Master Yoda, motioning to the rest of the class as if cuing them in.

"A lot safer!" said the rest of the kids.

"That's right, Younglings. You see, Kinbu? Learn to properly care for your lightsaber, and end up as bantha fodder, you will not."

After hearing Yoda's lecture once again, young Kinbu stood down disappointedly. "I just wanted to use a damn lightsaber, is that so much to ask?" he mumbled under his breath.

After class was done, Kinbu stood in the hallway, next to two of his fellow classmates. One of them had a pale, round face with a yellow hat and creepy red smile, while the other was also pale and with a red afro. Both of them were having their daily argument over who had the best recipe for French fries.

"I keep telling you, Jack," said the Youngling with the afro, "that my fries will make my new restaurant chain the most popular joint in the galaxy! The sweet, hot taste is proof enough for that."

"Popular they may be, Ron," replied Jack, "but they will be nothing compared to my recipe. You see, my new natural cut fries leave in the skin, making way for more crisp flavor."

"Seriously," said Ron, "no one wants to taste the skin! One look at the skin and they'll think the fries are burnt. Who would ever eat a fry that looks burnt? That's why my fries will be-"

"The most popular in the galaxy, I know," retorted Jack in a dull tone. "I've heard that story a million times, and each time it gets even more overrated. Honestly, I've tasted your fries, and believe me, I've had mashed potatoes that were crispier than those."

Kinbu rolled his eyes at the arguing freak show. "Honestly, you speak as if your damn fries are the center of the universe," he yelled. "Can't you see that you two are training to become JEDI, not tying to advertise fast food chains that don't even exist?"

"Kinbu," said Ron, "YOU'RE the one that's acting like you're the center of the universe."

"Yeah, what is wrong with you?" asked Jack. "You've been more arrogant than ever these past few weeks."

"You haven't given in to the JACKASS side, have you?" teased Ron.

"Hey!" exclaimed Jack. "Quit making fun of my name. You KNOW I hate that word!"

"Both of you, stop," sighed Kinbu. "As for why I'm acting the way I am… well, you DO know my 13th birthday is coming up tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, that's right," said Ron, "and you still haven't been appointed to a Master yet. Well, you have until the end of the day, don't you?"

"Still," said Jack, "you're screwed. I've heard a lot of things about Younglings who aren't appointed Masters before they're 13. They get taken away to labor camp, where Force-sensitives are forced to work in plantations and factories, and never again see the light of day."

"Yeah, and they don't even let you use the bathroom," replied Ron, "and they make you eat your own extractions."

"And there's no escape," added Jack.

This got Kinbu extremely worried. He always assumed that by age 13, he'd just be expelled from the academy, but with the verbal torture of Jack and Ron, he felt worse than ever. He didn't want to be taken as a laborer and live the rest of his life miserable and bored. He sought adventure and excitement for his life, not slavery.

"Isn't there anything I can do?" he asked pessimistically.

"Well… you could always run away," answered Jack.

"Yes, run away!" replied Ron. "Let's face it, you're probably not going to be a Jedi anyway. You're not exactly a model student, you know."

"Tell me about it," said Jack. "You're arrogant, self-centered, easily swayed-"

"Not to mention a total jackass," smart-mouthed Ron, as Jack slapped him in the face.

"What did I tell you about using that word?" Jack screamed angrily.

"Okay, okay, I get the point," said Kinbu. "I'm not exactly Master Yoda material, I know, but are you really certain no one will take me as an apprentice?"

"Trust me," said Ron, "even I wouldn't let you go near a lightsaber, not after what you did with my pet fish."

"Oh yes," said Jack. "Just goes to show you, fish and Pop Rocks just don't mix."

"I swear, I only did it to see if the fish would blow up from the inside," explained Kinbu. "Still, I learned my lesson. I can still be a Jedi, right?"

"Kinbu," said Ron, "search your feelings. Do you REALLY think they'd let a sugar crazed lunatic know the ways of the Force?"

"Well..." started Kinbu, taking into consideration what Ron and Jack are telling him. On one hand, he was the one who set his hair on fire while running across the temple naked on a triple dog dare, which inevitably earned him the nickname "Roasted Nuts." On the other hand, there were worse behaved students before him, and they turned out to be on the Jedi Council. However, he knew Ron and Jack for a long time, and they were the only friends he ever had. He knew full well that they were the only ones he could trust.

"You're right," he said. "It's not worth it to stay here. I guess I'll just run off in the middle of the night and start to train myself in the Jedi arts. It can't be that hard, can it?"

"Yeah," said Jack, "a lot of people are doing that nowadays. I knew this Jedi named Wendy, and she never had anyone to train her. She even bought her lightsaber on Ebay-"

At that moment, Ron gasped. "Watch your language, Jack!" he said. "You're better than to be using the E-word in a temple!"

"Sorry," said Jack. "Anyway, she roamed the galaxy, answering to no one but herself. Of course, she died while accidentally stabbed through her chest when she had her lightsaber pointed the wrong way."

"Oh, I heard that story!" said Ron. "She was one of the most popular Darwin Award stories of our time."

"Yeah, it pays to learn about lightsaber safety," said Jack. "Well, since you actually learned about proper lightsaber use, I'm sure you'll be fine, Kinbu."

"Thanks, guys," said Kinbu. "When I make it big, I'll let you know."

Having that said, he turned his back on Ron and Jack and walked away to his quarters. When he was nowhere to be seen, Ron and Jack began to laugh the hardest they've ever laughed before.

"That," cracked Ron, still laughing, "was the best prank we pulled on him in a long time!"

"I almost feel sorry for him," said Jack. "But it goes to show you that arrogant pricks like Kinbu shouldn't be allowed to know the ways of the Force."

"Amen," replied Ron, as they both headed opposite Kinbu's direction.

As night fell in the Jedi temple, Kinbu was preparing for his big getaway. Of course, escaping from the clutches of the Jedi Council was not an easy task, as they could easily see where he would be about to go using the Force. Therefore, he would have to stay clear of any Jedi that may come to look for him while he would begin his life on the run, and with the knowledge of being able to hide his Force aura, he would be able to blend in easily. However, there was only one way Kinbu could escape from the temple unnoticed, and he was almost reluctant to try it out. Knowing he had no other choice, though, he grabbed a homing beacon, which Jack gave him as an early birthday present, and headed toward the window while his heart beat rapidly.

'I must be insane to even try this,' he thought, opening the large window.. 'I'm running because of two smart-mouthed brats who were trying to scare me into it. I'm sure they were lying like they always do, what other explanation is there? On the other hand... I've never been a good student, so what makes me deserve to have a master of my own, anyway? No, I'm much better off by myself. Well, here's to adventure...'

With no last thought, he took a few steps back, ran right through the window, and jumped off the balcony, as he fell from what seemed like a hundred stories. When he got far enough, he activated his homing beacon and prayed for a miracle.


	2. The Galaxy's Guide to Hitchhiking

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of… well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 2**

**The Galaxy's Guide to Hitchhiking**

Kinbu Wamia has always been known to be daring. He was so daring, he once reprogrammed all the droids in the Jedi temple to sing Banana Phone, a song so annoying, it would make even a Jedi Master want to rip out the singer's voice box, in front of the entire Jedi Council nonstop. That move caused many Jedi, not just members of the council, to believe that Kinbu was unfit to be taught the ways of the Force. It seemed as if no one would be able to tame the young beast. Therefore, as Kinbu fell toward his seemingly inevitable demise, a man just as daring as he is would find him.

That man turned out to be a master thief, who has stolen a wide variety of treasures, weapons, and even a modified Republic cruiser with added blasters. He was also notorious for his use of many swear words, and his calling card was a Furby reprogrammed to sing Banana Phone repeatedly. He was seen by almost no one, and those who have seen him rarely live to tell about it.

And it just so happened that he was on the run once again. He had just stolen an expensive speeder from a local shop, and a bounty hunter walking by has caught him in the act. Now he's wound up in a wild chase with no sign of slowing down. As fate would have it, though, it was at this moment when he picked up a homing signal from a young boy falling to his death. Needless to say, the young thief was shocked.

"Oh, like hell!" he exclaimed. "If he wants to commit suicide, then why do I have an obligation to save him? Ah, screw it..."

He then looked around for the bounty hunter, and found that he was nowhere in sight. When the boy kept on falling, the thief decided to take action and drove below the homing device's call. Once he got close enough, the boy dropped right into the back seat of the speeder.

The boy, Kinbu, sat up. "What the hell?" he asked. "I didn't think someone would actually save me..."

"Then why the hell did you jump?" said the thief. "You don't look depressed enough."

"I wasn't committing suicide!" Kinbu exclaimed back angrily. "I was running away."

"Hell of a way to run away, don't you think? Besides, I thought the Jedi were supposed to fearless enough to not run away."

"Me? A Jedi?"

"Well, you DID fall from the Jedi temple, right?"

"Yes, but I'm only a Youngling, and no Jedi Master in the galaxy would dare to train me. So here I am, running from a lost cause only because two complete knuckleheads scared me into it. I swear, they're going to end up in fast food restaurants one of these days, those worthless bastards." Kinbu shuddered at the last statement. "Like hell they'll put me in one of those Force-forsaken prison camps."

"And so you've decided to train yourself and become a rogue Jedi, like many others have over recent years, is that it?"

"Yes, that's exactly it. How did you know?"

"Let's just say that bite my natural rogue ass, Master Yoda should. I guess you and I aren't so different after all."

"You're a rogue, too?"

"Ten years running. My name is Donovan Lupin, better known as the Radical Outlaw."

This news made Kinbu incredibly nervous. He had heard terrible stories about the Radical Outlaw, one of them involving a yellow rodent, a blue astromech droid, and millions of watts worth of electricity (you don't want to know the outcome), but he never would have guessed that he was a rogue Jedi himself. This also led him to question how far a rogue could sink to the dark side, and if running away from the temple would ultimately seal his fate. So, naturally, he was speechless.

"I know what you're thinking," said Donovan, "and no, I'm not one of the bad guys. I'm just trying to make a living."

"By resorting to burglary?" yelled Kinbu.

"It's the only way a rogue like me can survive," Donovan replied back. "Rogue Jedi live their lives on the run, therefore, we can't have jobs. So, without jobs, we have no money, and with no money, we have to take whatever we can instead. It's our living, all because we're misunderstood by many."

"I see," said Kinbu. "So that is the life I've chosen"

"I'm afraid so," said Donovan, just as a blue speeder came up right next to him. Once the speeder stopped, the driver, a Rodian bounty hunter, aimed his blaster toward Donovan's head.

"So, this is the famed Radical Outlaw," said the bounty hunter. "I've been wanting to capture a rogue's bounty for a long time."

Donovan stood up form the driver's seat, his blaster rifle in hand. "Yes, I bet you have," he said, firing a shot at the bounty hunter's chest, knocking him out of the speeder and sending him to his death. Kinbu looked at him afterwards, with a confused look on his face.

"Yeah, I shoot first," said Donovan, before the author could rip off any more movie lines. "I dare the maker to butcher that fact."

(Author's Note: Bring it, Ford clone.)

"You didn't have to kill him, you know," said Kinbu.

"In a rogue's life, survival comes first," said Donovan. "And survival is a tough bitch on PMS a million times over."

Before any of you ladies get offended by Donovan's statement, the author DID warn you that he was notorious for swearing.

"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do to make it up to you," said Donovan. "I'll take you with me wherever I go. The galaxy is no place for a lone adolescent rogue, and I should know."

Kinbu then stood up excitedly. "You mean I'll get to travel with the Radical Outlaw and go on many adventures? I can't wait!"

"Yeah, and we'll even have our own theme music," said Donovan, as he popped a disc into the stereo.

"Theme music?" asked Kinbu. "Oh, don't tell me..."

:"Right," said Donovan, as the stereo began to play the one song that has been deemed illegal on many star systems: Banana Phone.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kinbu as they drove to Donovan's stolen cruiser, the song repeating for hours in his head.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," said Donovan. "With this playing, not a soul in the galaxy could stand to follow us."

And indeed that was the case. Banana Phone was a song so annoying, the people who listened to it would blow their ear drums out just to stop listening to it. In the case of listening to it for hours nonstop, one would even resort to suicide. The song was originally used as a torture method for the purpose of interrogation, but as years passed, the song showed many uses for the criminal underworld. For example, a space pirate or any other terrorist could hijack a cruiser, play Banana Phone on the stereo until the crew killed themselves, and take the ship for themselves. Also, a criminal on the run from Republic troops or bounty hunters could play Banana Phone from outside at full blast so said troop or bounty hunter could hear it, therefore they would eventually give up or suicide before they could catch their target. They abused it so much, the song itself became illegal throughout the galaxy.

"Does it look like I care?" said Kinbu. "And how could ANYONE in the galaxy stand this song?"

"Simple," said Donovan, "I grew up on this song. Now let's get going before someone spots us." Having that said, he jumped out of the speeder and boarded the ship with Kinbu following behind. A few seconds later, they took off and left Coruscant for good.

Five years have passed since Kinbu's escape, and so far he's had it rough. Although he has become rather skilled with the Force thanks to Donovan's help, he's been through many bounty hunters on his way, and he has still yet to own a lightsaber. He hasn't had anything good to eat or drink in ages, and it seemed he was unable to get that damned Banana Phone song out of his head any time soon. It was times like these when he wondered how exactly Donovan slept at night.

"Amazing," said Kinbu while he and Donovan were drifting into hyperspace, "how five years of adventure could make you sick of it. I almost wish I stayed at the temple."

"Believe me, Kinbu," said Donovan, "that there's not a moment that went by when I wished I changed my mind. I just couldn't stand the Jedi lifestyle any longer, though. My old master was always so uptight about everything, and I couldn't stand it. That's when I've decided to run away and give up the life of a Jedi, because I didn't want to be under so much oppression from the Jedi code. Now here I am, wandering the galaxy as a filthy rogue. I hate it just as much as you do, but it's how I survive out here."

"I see," said Kinbu. "Well, at least it could be worse. We could be at the wrong end of an ambush."

Just then, the ship went out of hyperspace as it got hit with a large blast. Kinbu looked toward the monitors and saw two starfighters flying toward the ship, firing their blasters.

"Great, more bounty hunters," said Kinbu, as Donovan turned on the stereo full blast only to find it wasn't working.

"Damn, our secret weapon's gone!" exclaimed Donovan. "It looks like we'll have to go all out on this one. Kinbu, go up toward the main turret and open fire on the starfighters. I'll try to maneuver us out of here."

Without a second thought, Kinbu raced to the blaster turret, just as the ship got hit with more laser blasts.

'Doesn't this thing have any shields?' thought Kinbu as he opened fire on one of the starfighters. He missed his target, however, and both starfighters fired at the turret, earning a direct hit.

"Well, there goes the main turret," said Kinbu, running out and back into the cockpit, where Donovan couldn't get any more stressed.

"Let me guess, the turret's out," said Donovan. "I guess you'll have to use the escape pod. Don't worry about me, Kinbu, save yourself while you can."

"I don't want to leave you," replied Kinbu. "Aren't you going with me?"

"I'm too tired to run anymore. After fifteen years of running, I've never been fulfilled. Now I'm ready to face my destiny, and destiny can be even bitchier than survival."

"But what am I going to do without you, Donovan?"

"You're going to live on, that's what. Now go, and don't you dare look back." With that said, Donovan stood out of the cockpit, dragging Kinbu along toward the escape pod. Afterwards, Kinbu entered the pod, with Donovan sanding just outside.

"May the Force be with you, Kinbu," said Donovan as he closed the hatch and released the pod.

Kinbu just stood there as the pod drifted into space, watching as the cruiser eventually exploded with the aid of the starfighters. He was more miserable than he had ever been, for Donovan was the brother he never had. He took him in when no one else would, even though he had more annoying tendencies than Ron and Jack put together. Now he was not so certain he could live up to the challenges of a rogue any longer, for if even Donovan was vulnerable to attack, poor Kinbu could have it even worse. So, without knowing what else to do, he stood, tears slowly coming out of him.

"What am I to do now?" he kept repeating, as the pod started to come down to a nearby planet.


	3. In Soviet Russia, Whopper Eats You

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 3**

**In Soviet Russia, Whopper Eats You**

It was a cold summer day in the remote world of Lue, a small planet that's composed almost entirely of total loony lechers. The government of this planet is so perversely crazy, they passed laws from legalizing marriage to one's own hand to legalizing nudity in public places. If fact, many people's religion on this planet find wearing any underwear a sin. Their world flag is even a picture of Goatse (you don't want to know what Goatse is). It's a planet sunk so far down the gutter, no wonder they haven't gotten many tourists.

One particular attraction in the planet Lue is the newly opened Burger King restaurant down 69th street and Quagmire Avenue. This particular Burger King is famous for having its own mascot greeting the customers and advertising their products. This mascot was notorious for wearing a rubber mask with a creepy smile, unblinking eyes, and a crown with the Burger King logo on it. Naturally, the mascot made this particular Burger King the most popular restaurant on the planet.

Today, however, just wasn't the mascot's day. He had to do several commercials of himself in bed with someone else, which completely ruined his image, and he even ended up on the HoloNet with the caption, "Where is your God now?" Yes, he was completely tired of the sudden reputation he was given, and he was tired of his job. Therefore, while he was at work greeting the customers, he gave himself a big drink he snuck with him to work, and he wound up drunk off his ass.

"Hello!" he said in his drunken voice while forcefully hugging one of the customers. "Don't you just LOOOOOOVE my Whopper? Don't you just want to eat it all over?"

"Ewww," said the customer as she slapped him in the face. "The commercials were right, you ARE a creep!"

"I know you are, but what am I?" retorted the mascot, as he latched onto the customer tightly, nuzzling against her chest. He was then returned the favor with a kick in the crotch and a boot to the outside world.

"And STAY out!" she said, while the rest of the customers booed.

The mascot was barely able to stand up, let alone stay conscious. Yes, today just wasn't his day. He kept on thinking that it couldn't get any worse than this, as he walked over to the dumpster to vomit out leftover chicken sandwiches and milkshakes. When the deed was done, he looked up only to find what looked like a shooting star coming toward him.

"Oh, look!" he said, running toward the star. "Now my dreams will come true once and for all! I wish I didn't have to put up with this job any longer!"

He got his wish in a really roundabout way. The shooting star turned out to be an escape pod launched from a fallen Republic cruiser. When the drunken king of burgers made his wish, the pod came crashing down on him, breaking every bone in his body and instantly killing him.

Naturally, when the customers saw their 'beloved' mascot get crushed to death, they came outside and crowded around the escape pod. They saw the hatch open, and out stepped a young, dark-haired man, no older than 18. He was dressed in what could only be described as Jedi robes, although he clearly had no lightsaber. He stood confused, wondering if the people on this planet had nothing better to do than watch falling objects in the sky.

"What?" Kinbu Wamia asked. "Don't you know a lost soul when you see one?"

One of the customers stepped to the front of the line, looking rather furious. "You killed our mascot, you rogue son of a bitch!"

"Yeah, go back to the Jedi temple!" exclaimed another angry customer. "You rogues need a good spanking!"

"Killed?" said Kinbu. "Wait, you mean to tell me this escape pod landed on that creepy king just now?"

"Don't play innocent with us, nerfherder!" yelled yet another customer. "He was the finest mascot the Burger King franchise ever had!"

"Yeah, what has he ever done to you?" yelled customer number two.

"Look, I'm sorry for your mascot, but there's no reason to hate me over something that wasn't under my control, so if you just-" started Kinbu, just as a tender crisp chicken sandwich crossed paths with his face. "Oh, seriously, who throws a sandwich? Honestly."

"Come on, fellow Luesers! Let's show this filthy rogue he messed with the wrong planet!" said angry customer number one, as the crowd threw random belongings at poor Kinbu.

"Stop it!" said Kinbu. "You think this is supposed to be FUNNY?"

"No," said customer number three, "but this is!" Having that said, he went up behind Kinbu, with at least five others following him, and they all poured a bottle of ranch dressing all over his head.

"Look! Bukkake!" screamed the third customer, while the whole crowd pointed and laughed.

This made Kinbu extremely furious. He just escaped from a couple bounty hunters and lost a dear friend in the process, and no one even shared any sympathy toward him. Now he is the epitome of public humiliation, and all because of an act of involuntary manslaughter on his behalf. He secretly wished he had died in the cruiser along with Donovan.

"Please, stop this madness," said Kinbu while crouching down to his knees, as the crowd continued to laugh. Just then, the manager, watching over the whole crowd from the inside, decided to stand out and sort this whole mess out.

"Okay, what's going on?" said the manager, pushing his way to the front of the line. "Let me guess, this escape pod managed to land on our mascot. Is that why you're so angry?"

"And that rogue Jedi over there is responsible!" yelled a random member of the crowd.

"Is this true?" asked the manager, looking toward Kinbu's direction.

"I swear, it was an accident!" answered Kinbu. "I never intended to-"

"I've heard enough," said the manager. "Okay, here's what I'll do. Since this rogue Jedi killed our beloved mascot-"

"KILL HIM WITH FIRE!" yelled customer number one.

"Yes, and we'll all piss on the ashes!" exclaimed the second customer, as a loud chant of "KILL HIM! KILL HIM!" began to engulf the crowd.

"SHUT UP, YOU WORTHLESS HAGS!" yelled the manager, as the crowd silenced. "That's better. Now, based on what happened, it's only fair that we punish him by making him our new Burger King mascot!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" screamed Kinbu, along with the rest of the crowd.

"I can't work here!" yelled Kinbu. "I'm a rogue Jedi! I can't risk my safety over a job!"

"Yeah, and he doesn't deserve to live the life of our holiest of ad campaigns!" yelled customer number three.

"My decision stands, people," stated the manager, "so you customers don't like it, eat somewhere else, and if my employees don't like it, you're all fired. Now I suggest you all come back inside and enjoy yourselves." With that said, the crowd slowly went back inside, with Kinbu still standing there.

"Now, rogue-"

"My name is Kinbu," said Kinbu.

"Whatever. I suggest you do take this job. You'll be hidden in a mask, so no one will know you're a rogue, anyway. Trust me, you'll be safer here than on the run."

"How can I trust you, though?"

"Well, you should consider the fact that I know the truth about your lifestyle. Therefore, I can turn you over to the officials just like that, and you'll be put away. So, come to think of it, it's not an issue of trust at all, it's blackmail The choice is yours, Kinbu."

Kinbu couldn't help but growl at the manager. "Fine, have it your way. I'll be your damned mascot, but you can't make me like it."

The manager smiled. "That's more like it."

The next day, Kinbu was already at his new job, moaning about his creepy king costume. All day long he got a lot of angry stares from the customers, and the heat from the mask didn't help much either. To make things worse, he overheard the rest of the employees plotting to do even more embarrassing things to him, such as showing holograms of the King standing naked beside each of the windows, and even making a giant statue of the King, also naked, but not anatomically correct. One of the customers even spilled lemonade all over his pants, giving the illusion that he wet himself. Yet all he could do was stand there and continue to act like a human advertisement.

"Welcome to Burger King," said Kinbu monotonously, waving his hand as if he was performing a Jedi mind trick. "You want a bite of my new grilled double Whopper."

One of the customers overheard Kinbu, and decided to step up to him, looking rather furious. "Double Whopper? Dude, are you coming on to me?"

"What? NO!" said Kinbu. "I was just telling you to have a bite of my sandwich! Is that so much to ask?"

"Ewww, you sick, creepy freak show!" said the customer. "Say that line again. I dare you, no, I DOUBLE dare you, bitch, say I want your Whopper one more damn time!"

"Ummmm," said Kinbu nervously, "you want my Whopper?"

"I thought so," said the angry customer as he wrapped his hand around Kinbu's neck and begun to strangle him while punching his face with his other hand. "DON'T! EVER! SAY! I! WANT! YOUR! WHOPPER! AGAIN! GOT IT?"

After the customer let go, Kinbu collapsed on the floor, cursing whatever gods put him in this hellhole, and eventually passed out. Afterwards, one of the employees, a silver-haired elderly man, walked up to the unconscious Kinbu and dragged him to the employee lounge. He then sat down and waited for about ten minutes until Kinbu finally woke up.

"Owwww," cried Kinbu, as he coughed up blood from his mouth.

"Oh, quit complaining," said the old man, wiping Kinbu's mouth with a napkin. "I have lightsaber scars much worse than your injury."

"Easy for you to-" said Kinbu instinctively before he caught himself, "wait, lightsaber scars? You're not a Jedi Knight, are you?"

"Retired Jedi Master, actually. I can sympathize with you, as this place really is a lewd wasteland, even worse than Nar Shadaa. My name is Qui-Lex Foren, by the way."

"Qui-Lex, huh? And just what are you doing in this wasteland, anyway?"

"I'm currently in hiding. There's a war going on throughout the galaxy, you know, and I'm much too old to take part in it, so what better place to hide than a total slum that not even the Hutts would touch with a forty-foot pole?"

"You're not like the rest of these people, are you?"

"The Luesers? No, I'm nothing like them. Those people are notorious for masturbating to banthas giving birth to Siamese twins. I swear, it's complete anarchy in here."

"Eww," said Kinbu, wanting to vomit after that unpleasant picture in his head. "Just tell me why you're even bothering with me as if I was worth the time."

"All right, I'll cut to the chase," said Qui-Lex. "The manager told me all about your rogue Jedi lifestyle, and I've decided I should start training you as an apprentice. I know you already have a lot of skills in the Jedi arts, and I think there's little more you can learn from me."

"You've got to be kidding me. I was the worst in my class, hell, I even stole lightsabers from members of the Council and sold them on Ebay."

"Watch your language, young Jedi. Not even the Luesers would go out and use the E-word like that."

"Sorry. Anyway, what makes you think you won't go crazy with me as an apprentice?"

"I've trained rogue Jedi before, and if I can stay sane on this planet for about a month, I can certainly handle one misbehaved rogue. So what do you say?"

"Can I have my own lightsaber?"

Qui-Lex responded by reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lightsaber made out of solid gold. "This belonged to my old apprentice before he got killed by some rogue terrorists. It's yours if you agree to train under me."

"Sweet!" exclaimed Kinbu, shaking Qui-Lex's hand. "I'll try not to make you regret this. I'll be happy to be your apprentice."

"That's all I needed to hear. Now you better get back to work, and try not to get beaten up again." Having that said, Qui-Lex tossed the lightsaber to Kinbu, as Kinbu caught it and headed out the door.

'What a perfect day,' thought Kinbu, as he endured the harassment from the customers throughout the day.


	4. The Empire Strikes First

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 4**

**The Empire Strikes First**

They say time flies when one is having fun, and that used to be the case with Emperor Palpatine until a couple years after transforming the Republic to his own twisted vision. He thought having complete control of the galaxy would make an entertaining lifestyle for him, but he found more fun in the quest to his ambition than the aftermath of it. Therefore, he decided to take his ambition one step further by taking control of the other evils in the galaxy: galactic corporations.

At first this monopolization was proving successful. As of today, he has taken control of over a hundred businesses, including the renamed Microsith, Sithbucks, Darth MaulMart, and even McPalpatine's. He even personally killed the CEOs and executives of their former companies and managed to successfully blame it all on the Jedi. Of course, he continued to rely on the stupidity of the rest of the galaxy, as he knew most of the population couldn't tell apart good from evil if all the Sith lords that ever existed came and blasted them with Force lightning.

However, there was one particular planet which really irked Palpatine. He wasn't sure if the citizens of said planet were too stupid to realize the rest of the galaxy was under his complete control, or not stupid enough to fall for his tricks. After all, they just simply ignored his conquest of the Senate and numerous corporations and went on with their lives. Even his recent takeover of their favorite food chain, Burger King, was ignored. Therefore, he decided to take action by sending some high ranked officers and an army of stormtroopers to the planet in order to enforce his rule.

Of course, any reader with half a brain can figure out that the planet is Lue, where the citizens aren't exactly complete gimps, but they sure as hell try. It is also where poor mascot Kinbu Wamia has slaved in the fast food business for three years. After all those years of having to put up with literally hundreds of crack-headed Luesers, Kinbu felt like going insane himself. In fact, if it wasn't for his master, Qui-Lex Foren, he would have already done so the moment he crashed on this planet.

"Welcome to Burger King," he said to the customers headed his way in a sulky voice. "Try our new tender crisp double chicken sandwich." Naturally, the customers looked away from Kinbu shamefully, knowing full well that he was not the same mascot as the one he killed three years ago.

"Why does he even bother?" the customers would ask. "He knows we hate him so badly."

"Yeah, and what is with that creepy mask?" they would respond. "It just doesn't suit him. After all. our mascot is supposed to be, you know, insane."

"Hey, remember when the old mascot actually went out and masturbated with one of those egg and cheese Croissanwiches?"

"I loved that, man. He'd do anything to get the customers' attention."

Yes, this was a normal day for Kinbu so far. The customers would insult him and even put pieces of paper on his back that reads "I'm With Stupid" and has an arrow pointing up. In spite of all his meditations with Qui-Lex, he still couldn't get used to such torture. He would have given anything to escape from this hellhole of a job, even if it resulted in his death.

That was when he noticed one particular customer coming in. He was in some sort of military uniform, and was being followed by numerous other soldiers in white plastic armor. What he considered odd, however, was that none of these man ever took the chance to humiliate him, although the officer did give out a cold stare.

"Welcome to Burger King," said Kinbu blankly. "Would you like to try our new-"

"Don't flatter me," interrupted the officer. "I'm strictly here on business. However, you could make yourself useful by calling your manager."

"Call him yourself," said Kinbu. "I don't want to get involved in any more tricks."

"Too late," said the officer, as the white-armored soldiers surrounded Kinbu and aimed their blaster rifles at him.

"Damn," said Kinbu, sweating under his mask, "another embarrassing moment for Kinbu. Well, go ahead. Kill me."

That's when the rest of the customers began to take notice of Kinbu's hostage situation. Cries of "Kill the rogue" began to erupt throughout the crowd, once again offering severe humiliation to Kinbu.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled the officer to the crowd, as they stopped shouting. "That's better. And as for you, creepy mascot, you are not allowed to die unless I say so, got it?"

"Augggh, fine," groaned Kinbu.

"Good, now for business," said the officer. "DWAYNE, YOU LAZY BASTARD, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE OR YOUR CREEPY BURGER KING MASCOT GETS IT!"

"Please, don't," said Kinbu sarcastically, "think of the children."

"Don't interrupt," said the officer. "THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING! I'LL BLAST HIS EYEBALLS OUT AND SERVE THEM ON A WHOPPER IF YOU DON'T COME HERE!"

After a couple minutes, Dwayne, the manager, followed by his assistant, Qui-Lex, came to the scene, looking straight at the officer.

"Vincent MacDougal," said Dwayne. "I never expected a bounty hunter like you to show up here, let alone be a part of the Republic army."

"It's an empire now, not a republic, Dwayne Lupin," said Vincent. "And I joined in order to kill every rogue that crosses my path to avenge my family. However, that's not the main reason why I'm here."

"If it's about Republic business-"

"EMPIRE, not Republic," interrupted Vincent

"Whatever," said Dwayne. "I'm just saying that your 'empire' has no power on this planet. Lue broke off from your former Republic centuries ago, and they signed a treaty ordering that you people leave us be as lone as we stay here."

"Yes, the Treaty of Lue," said Vincent. "Still, that was back in the Old Republic, which, as I keep explaining, does not exist anymore. Therefore, I suggest you listen to what I have to say."

"Just what do you want?" asked Dwayne.

"By order of Emperor Palpatine, which is now the rightful owner of the Burger King corporation," said Vincent, "you're all fired."

"I fail to see the threat," replied Dwayne.

"Oh, it's no threat," said Vincent, "it's an order. Every single one of you is to leave immediately with no questions asked."

"Well, it will be hell before I relinquish my control of this place," said Dwayne, "so we're not leaving."

"You're just like your brother Donovan, you know that?" said Vincent. "And yet, even he was wise enough to give up when he was unmatched by the blasters of my starfighter."

This got Kinbu's attention greatly, as he glared straight at Vincent and said, "YOU killed Donovan! Bastard, I should return the favor right now!"

Qui-Lex, who was watching the rest from the sidelines, glanced at Kinbu, saying, "Kinbu, calm down. You know why you shouldn't kill him."

"He was my friend, master," said Kinbu, "and he killed him all the same, just because he was another rogue Jedi in his path. He deserves nothing but death."

"Kinbu, come to your senses. What would Donovan do if it was you who died?"

"Enough arguing," said Vincent, as the two shut up. "Now, Dwayne, I suggest you leave now. Don't underestimate the powers of the Empire, young rogue."

"It's you who underestimates us," said Dwayne. "I have two Jedi Knights at my disposal, and they're not willing to give up, either."

"Silly rogue," said Vincent, drawing a large blaster rifle and aiming it at Dwayne, "Jedi Knights are our specialty."

"Master!" cried Kinbu, as the stormtroopers around him began to open fire at Dwayne and Qui-Lex.

"So be it," said Qui-Lex, activating his blue lightsaber and deflecting the attacks back at the troops. He then crouched down and slashed a couple more troops from behind.

"What are you doing, you worthless stormtroopers?" yelled Vincent. "Don't just fire at the Jedi, surround him!"

And they did, while they continued to open fire. Qui-Lex retaliated by Force-pushing the troops at the front of him out the window and turning around to slash the rest of them.

Dwayne laughed softly. "You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you?"

"I should ask you the same question," replied Vincent, as the entrance door blasted open and even more stormtroopers marched in to surround everyone else.

"Damn," said Dwayne. "Well, it's hopeless."

"I bet that's what your brother said," said Vincent, walking straight up to Dwayne. "Why don't you ask him after I send you to the afterlife?"

"Bring it, Vincent," said Dwayne. "Do what you will with me, but don't harm my mascot. I swore to Donovan that he shall live."

"If that's your dying wish, then so be it," said Vincent, as he fired a barrage of lasers straight through Dwayne's head, sending him knocked to the wall and to his death.

"NO!" cried Kinbu, glaring at Vincent. "NOT AGAIN, YOU MURDEROUS TROLL!"

"Thanks for the compliment," said Vincent sarcastically. "Now you know how I felt when those filthy rogues killed the rest of my family like barbarians. You're obviously no different from the rest of them, creepy mascot, so you should be lucky I'm letting you live."

"Monster," growled Kinbu. "I should kill you right now."

"But you won't," replied Vincent, "since you're still just a rogue. Now I suggest you come with me, mascot, if you want me to keep my promise."

Kinbu growled. "Fine. Have it your way, but I must warn you not to underestimate me because I'm merely a rogue. One of these days, I can guarantee you'll get your comeuppance."

"Not bloody likely," said Vincent, setting his blaster for stun and firing at Kinbu, as Kinbu is knocked out from the blast. He then picked up Kinbu and headed out the door, while the stormtroopers were still fighting Qui-Lex.

"So you've decided to run away," said Qui-Lex while he continued to block the troops' attacks with his lightsaber. He knew he couldn't survive if he stuck around, however, as the troops continued to fire. Therefore, he Force-jumped away from the spot the troops surrounded, landing on and jumping from stormtrooper to stormtrooper until he got a clear shot at the window. He then took his chance and leaped out the window, falling from a height of a couple hundred feet.

Before he could fall to his death, however, he grabbed onto a ledge and dangled right below the Burger King restaurant. He kept his position until he saw another window right in front of him. After checking to see if the room behind the window was empty, he slashed the window open with his lightsaber and jumped through.

'Kinbu,' he thought, 'please don't hurt Vincent.'


	5. The Return of the King

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 5**

**The Return of the King (Not the J.R.R. Tolkien Version)**

Vincent MacDougal sighed, as things did not turn out as well as he expected. Sure, he finally settled a long-time conflict with two rogue brothers, but now he had to look after another rogue, one dressed as a creepy mascot for a popular fast food restaurant. He was tempted to flat out kill the rogue, and yet he could not bring himself up to it. After all, he had a promise to keep from two old friends, whom although he personally murdered them both, he still honored them. So there he was, dragging the poor rogue to his Imperial-class shuttle parked in the landing bay near Burger King.

As for the recently laid-off rogue, Kinbu Wamia, he wasn't exactly enthusiastic either. He didn't mind being fired, after all, he didn't have to put up with the loony Luesers again. What really got him angry was Vincent's betrayal toward two of his companions, as well as his master's possible death. What was even worse, however, was that all he could do was let himself be pushed around by others. He was tired of taking abuse. He wanted to take action and avenge those he loved once and for all. He kept repeating those thoughts of revenge while Vincent took him into the shuttle.

"Do you know how to hide your Force aura?" asked Vincent.

"Yes," said Kinbu, "I am a rogue, after all."

"Good, now hand me your lightsaber," said Vincent. "It will do you no good where we're going."

"Like hell!" cried out Kinbu. "Besides, how do you know I won't slash you in half with it right now?"

"Because I know you're smarter than that," replied Vincent. "I have three units of stormtroopers waiting to back me up when necessary, and they will not hesitate to shoot this shuttle down if you happen to kill me. Right now, the best you can do is trust me."

Kinbu groaned. "Still, do you really expect me to hand over my only weapon?"

"It's for your own safety," said Vincent. "If the Empire has any idea that you're a Jedi, they will kill you on sight. It's best you hand over your weapon to me, assuming you want to live."

"Fine, have it your way," said Kinbu, handing over his lightsaber to Vincent. "Now, where are we going?"

"We're going to Lord Vader's starship, and you'll be taken prisoner," said Vincent.

"Why did I have to ask?" said Kinbu.

"At least you'll be safe," said Vincent. "Besides, they'd be sure to capture you anyway."

With that said, the two took off from the landing pad, while many Burger King customers cheered at the fact that they no longer had to put up with their faux mascot. After a half-hour of cries of "Are we there yet" and "Can't this go any faster", Vincent turned off the stereo and pried it out with a crowbar, as the cries stopped.

"Why did I ever buy that '101 Most Annoying Sounds in the Galaxy' album, anyway?" asked Vincent to himself, as he landed his shuttle into the super star destroyer, the _Executor._

"You didn't buy it," said Kinbu, "Donovan gave it to you as a gift, one which you were constantly begging for."

"What the? How did you know that?" asked Vincent, sounding surprised.

"He told me, of course," replied Kinbu.

"That loud-mouthed... whatever, let's just go already," said Vincent, as he grabbed onto the back of Kinbu's coat and dragged him out of the shuttle.

It was at that moment when Darth Vader, who has been rather busy carrying out the Emperor's plan to assimilate every known company in the galaxy, found Vincent in his shuttle literally dragging the Burger King mascot with him. This he found rather peculiar. He knew Vincent MacDougal to be a reckless one indeed, being a former bounty hunter and all, but to see him abuse a prisoner like that is beyond him. What's even more strange is that the prisoner was showing no sign of struggle, as if he had nothing to fear. Knowing that he couldn't hold his interest for long, he decided to walk up to Vincent to see what was going on.

"Is there a problem, Vincent MacDougal?" said Vader in his usual cold, deep voice, as Vincent released his hold on Kinbu.

"Lord Vader, not at all," stated Vincent. "I was just on my way to show this prisoner to detention quarters."

"I see," said Vader. "Take him to his cell, then, and bring him to me tomorrow. I shall interrogate him shortly afterwards."

"Interrogate?" asked Vincent. "My Lord, I do not see how that is necessary. He is merely a Lueser who's too ignorant to know he was under Imperial rule, just like the rest of them."

"Perhaps," replied Vader. "However, the Empire does not treat traitors lightly, ignorant or otherwise. If he really is as stupid as you say he is, then he has nothing to hide."

"I understand, my Lord. I shall take him to his cell immediately," said Vincent, as he watched Vader walk out of the hangar bay. He once again grabbed hold of Kinbu's coat and headed toward the detention block.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Kinbu.

"Well, you should," said Vincent. "Even if they don't find out you're a Jedi, they'll be sure to execute you for treason. I believe it's safe to say you're in real deep shit."

"I thought you said you weren't going to let me die," said Kinbu.

"Hey, I actually WANT you to die," said Vincent, "but I don't want to break your former manager's dying promise, either. However, I have no control over the decisions of the Empire, so there's nothing I can do."

"Bastard," said Kinbu. You're an embarrassment to the Imperial navy."

"And you're an embarrassment to the former Jedi order, but that won't matter soon, anyway," said Vincent, as he walked up to Kinbu's given cell, opened the hatch, and threw Kinbu in. "You should be thankful I let you live a little longer." With that said, he closed the hatch.

Kinbu sighed, cursing whatever gods put him into this mess. He turned around, only to find a big surprise: two pale-faced individuals, one with a red afro, the other with a yellow hat. He recognized them instantly as his two 'friends' back in the Jedi temple, Ron and Jack.

"Ron? Jack?" said Kinbu, right before Ron came up and punched him in the face.

"Get out of our cell, you creepy burger king!" cried Ron.

"Yeah," said Jack, "we were TRYING to have a heated argument over our milkshakes!"

"I still say my recipe's better," said Ron.

"Bullshit," said Jack. "Nothing can compare to the thickness of my shakes."

"Will you shut up, already?" said Kinbu. "I swear, you two have always argued like an old married couple. Well, you're both grown up AND locked in a cell, so try to show some respect."

"Just what do YOU know?" asked Ron. "You haven't been STALKING us, have you, creepy burger king?"

"Yeah, we saw the commercials!" replied Jack. "Just why WERE you in someone else's bed, anyway?"

"You two are paranoid," said Kinbu. "It's me, Kinbu Wamia! From school!"

"Prove it, creepy burger king," said Ron.

"Ron, you're a demented cockmongler," said Kinbu, "and Jack, you're a corporate pussyfart."

"That's proof enough for me," said Ron. as he and Jack hugged Kinbu tightly. "We thought the Empire had already killed you!"

"Or even worse," said Jack, "you ended up a Darwin Award."

"No, it was even worse than that," said Kinbu. "I got stuck as the mascot for Burger King, on a planet overrun entirely by escaped patients from an insane asylum."

"You think you had it bad?" said Ron. "Jack and I finally achieved our dream of opening our own fast food chains, only to have the Empire take it all away from us."

"They even locked us in this cell when they found out we were Force-sensitive," said Jack.

"They didn't kill you?" said Kinbu.

"They thought we weren't 'Jedi' enough," said Ron.

"We found that rather insulting," said Jack. "Then again, neither of us were very talented in the Force, anyway."

"It's true," said Ron. "We're pathetic, even to the Empire."

"Well, what if I told you I can get you out of here?" asked Kinbu. "You could join me afterwards and become a part of a grand scheme for bloody revenge."

"What's the catch?" said Jack.

"Don't do anything stupid," said Kinbu.

"That, my friend," said Ron, "is inevitable. But we'll help you, anyway."

"Yeah, anywhere's better than here," replied Jack.

Kinbu smirked under his creepy burger king mask. "Believe me, you have never been to Lue."

So Kinbu, Ron, and Jack waited for hours in their cell, killing off time by games of Rock Paper Scissors. Of course, Ron and Jack would always cheat by stating different win situations such as "the paper could give the person wielding the scissors a nasty paper-cut to kill him, therefore he drops the scissors so paper wins by default," and "the scissors are actually two lightsabers glued together, so the blades WOULD be able to cut through rock." So, naturally, Kinbu got tired of the game quickly and sat down being bored. That was when the cell hatch opened, and Vincent MacDougal came in, looking rather disgruntled.

"Okay, rogue," said Vincent, "it's time for your interrogation."

"Vincent," said Kinbu, "I see you'll still an Imperial puppet stuffed with hypocrisy."

"Watch your mouth, young one," said Vincent. "Lord Vader will decide your fate."

"Oh, for Force sake," said Kinbu, "you were a rogue once, along with Dwayne and Donovan! You answered to no one, and yet you sold out to the Empire only to avenge your loved ones' deaths. Well, get the fuck over it, Vincent! What would your loved ones do if it was you who died?"

Vincent sighed. "You don't get it, do you? Lord Vader could kill me in an instant if he knew I would betray him."

"Oh, really?" said Kinbu, as he swiftly kicked Vincent in the stomach, sending him flying to the wall and dropping the lightsaber he confiscated earlier. Once Vincent got up, Kinbu then Force-pulled his lightsaber to his hand and activated its golden blade.

"What the fuck?" yelled Vincent.

"Way to kick his ass, creepy burger king!" said Ron, watching Kinbu from behind.

"Yeah, kill him already!" screamed Jack. "He killed our business!"

"If Lord Vader doesn't kill you, Vincent," said Kinbu, motioning to Ron and Jack to tell them to shut up, "then I will."

"Interesting proposal," said Vincent, "but it's not going to work. I know a bluff when I see one, you know."

Kinbu just glared under his mask, as he swung his lightsaber and cut off Vincent's entire left arm. "You think I'm bluffing now?"

Vincent screamed loudly. "Okay! Okay! Just tell me what you want!"

"I want the key card to the storage room," said Kinbu. "There are some things I need to pick up there."

"Like I can stop you," said Vincent, as he took a red key card out of his pocket and passed out from the shock. Afterwards, Kinbu pried the key card out of his hand and went out the cell, with Ron and Jack blatantly following.

"So why are you heading to the storage room, anyway?" said Ron.

"Yeah, shouldn't we be, oh, I don't know, ESCAPING?" cried out Jack.

"We will escape," said Kinbu, as he went toward the door to the storage room right across his cell and unlocked the door with the key card, "but we'll need weapons first, won't we?"

"That's typical Kinbu for you," said Ron. "He's always looking for a challenge."

"And yet I have to admit," said Jack, as they went inside the storage room, "he IS our superior."

Once inside, Kinbu wasted no time. He grabbed three backpacks hanging from the wall and stuffed them each with as many blaster rifles, thermal detonators, and sequencer charges as he could find. Afterwards, he handed one backpack and an additional rifle each to Ron and Jack.

"You'll be needing these," said Kinbu. "We're heading back to Burger King after we escape."

"Umm, shouldn't we be heading AWAY from there?" asked Ron. "That IS where you got arrested, right?"

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Jack.

"Consider it my revenge for all they did to me," said Kinbu. "I'm going to destroy that place once and for all."

"I knew it," said Jack.

"But Kinbu," said Ron, "are you sure that's the Jedi way?"

"Face it, guys," said Kinbu, "the Jedi way failed. Just look at what the evil Empire did to the order. Something has to be done in order for them to realize their reign of terror will only drive people away, and what better way than to blow up one of their most popular restaurants?" With that said, he headed out the storage room.

"Well, you make little sense," said Ron, "but at least it's better than staying here."

"So we'll join you after all," said Jack, as he and Ron grabbed their backpacks and rifles and followed Kinbu out of the storage room.

"Good to hear," said Kinbu, as he lead them through the cell block and into the hangar bay, killing stormtroopers along the way. "Come on, we'll take the shuttle."

"Umm, are you sure you know how to fly it?" said Ron, shooting randomly at stormtroopers with Jack, while the stormtroopers fired random shots back, each of them missing by a mile.

"I'm sure," replied Kinbu, heading into the shuttle with Ron and Jack, as more stormtroopers continued to shoot and miss. Afterwards, the crew sat themselves down in the cockpit and prepared themselves for launch.

"Just why did those troops miss us all the time?" said Jack.

"Simple," said Kinbu, "they can't see shit under their helmets."

A few seconds later, Kinbu started the shuttle and got themselves out of the hangar bay, and a few minutes of "Are we there yet" later, they drove into the atmosphere of Lue, wondering what kind of mess they were about to get into.


	6. Jedi Champloo

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 6**

**Jedi Champloo**

As Kinbu and company travel back to the planet Lue to set their big example to the galaxy, the Jedi master Qui-Lex Foren stood right below their target. It just so happened, however, that he discovered was not alone in his hiding place as soon as he broke in. It turned out the room he was staying in belonged to a middle-aged Nemoidian with quite a bit of lecherous tendencies. In fact, once Qui-Lex took a closer look at the room, he saw nothing but stacks of pornography and posters with quotes like, "Dead girls don't say no," and "Any shape is the right shape for date rape." Naturally, Qui-Lex sighed at this perversion.

It has been a whole day since he came in, and he's already had enough of hiding. Maybe it was the lecherous mind the owner of this place held, maybe it was the stormtroopers above that were still searching for him, or maybe it was the strong disturbance in the Force that told him Kinbu has arrived at Burger King to destroy it, but whatever the reason was, Qui-Lex knew he had to get out of here. However, the only way he knew how to escape was to cut a hole from the ceiling with his lightsaber, and he knew that would piss off the perverse Nemoidian. Therefore, he decided to act quickly.

He gathered up as much of the stacks of porn videos as he could and made himself a staircase. He then climbed the porn staircase, activated the blue blade of his lightsaber, and began to cut through the ceiling in a circular fashion. He did this as fast as he could, as he could sense the Nemoidian heading in his direction. Without giving any second thought, he completed the circular motion with his lightsaber and cut open a large hole leading directly inside Burger King. Finally, he Force-jumped through the hole while the door opened, effectively escaping. A few minutes and a few dozen dead stormtroopers later, he began to head out the building, just as he came across two apparent customers, both with creepy smiles.

About a few minutes earlier, Kinbu, Ron, and Jack landed their stolen Imperial shuttle onto the dock leading to Burger King. When they got out of the shuttle, however, many customers began to crowd around and boo them. Naturally, this made Kinbu even more upset, and yet he couldn't help but smirk. After all, they would have the last laugh when he destroyed their favorite restaurant.

"What the hell are they booing us for?" said Ron. "We didn't do anything wrong,. did we?"

"Most likely Kinbu was being a dick," said Jack. "Wouldn't put it past him."

"Oh, shut up, you two," said Kinbu to Ron and Jack, as he said to the rest of the customers, "and get a clue, you ignorant fucks! You don't even realize that the Empire took over your planet, do you?"

"Well, we hate you more!" yelled out one of the customers.

"Besides, how do we know you're not part of this 'Empire' bullshit in the first place?" asked another customer.

"Will you all shut up and listen to me?" yelled Kinbu. "Look, I hate every single one of you, and I know you all hate me. Still, there's an evil Empire out there that is trying to deny your right to anarchy, and you're just sitting on your lazy asses eating your heart attacks on a bun! Well, wake the fuck up and let me show the Empire that nothing can control chaos!"

There were loud, angry groans throughout Kinbu's audience. To let Kinbu set his example would mean to sacrifice their favorite restaurant, and they knew it all too well. Therefore, they responded only with one finger and a simultaneous "Fuck you" to Kinbu.

"Oh, it's hopeless," said Kinbu. "Let's just blow it up anyway. If the customers don't want to stand up to scum and villainy, they deserve to die."

"Whatever you say," said Ron, "but what makes you think these people are THAT bad?"

"Yeah," replied Jack, "they seen like pretty fun people to me. I'd sure as hell like to live here... well, to each his own."

And so Kinbu and company went, pushing people out of the way until they arrived at the door. Just as Kinbu was about to come in, however, he sensed a disturbance in the Force. He then turned around and saw two Imperial carriers land near his shuttle. Kinbu knew instantly who was there, so he began to head toward their direction.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to blow up Burger King with us?" said Ron.

"You two go without me," said Kinbu. "I sense vermin, and his name is Vincent."

"Oh, I have a bad feeling about this," said Jack, "but that's just me being an attention whore. Go kick some ass, Kinbu."

"Yeah, may you be with the Force," said Ron, as he and Jack headed into the door with their backpacks hanging.

Kinbu rolled his eyes at Ron and Jack. Once he went back onto the landing dock, though, he saw Vincent, along with a couple dozen stormtroopers, emerging from their carriers. He noticed that Vincent still had a missing arm from his recent encounter with a lightsaber, and his eyes gave out the coldest of glares he had ever seen. He also held a small blaster with his remaining hand and pointed it at Kinbu's direction.

"Vincent," glared Kinbu, "I see you haven't changed a bit."

"Bite your tongue, filthy rogue," said Vincent with a tone of voice that matches perfectly with his glare. "You've done more than enough damage to my reputation already. Lord Vader will have my head, and it's all your fault."

"My fault?" said Kinbu. "You were the one who let me escape, and yet here you are, attempting to bring me back. Why must you continue to be the Empire's puppet?"

"Wrong answer, rogue!" yelled Vincent. "I'm no longer a pawn for the Empire, for I got sacked as soon as you escaped. So I herded as many stormtroopers as I could that still remained loyal to me, stole a couple of carriers, and hauled ass to where you were going. And I can guarantee you Lord Vader himself will arrive here in a matter of time to kill me, although it will be well worth it in the end."

"So you plan to kill me after all."

"Damn straight."

"In spite of Dwayne's promise?"

Vincent's eyes instantly went from a cold-hearted glare to an angry one. "Don't you dare say that name! Like I'd ever keep a promise not to kill a rogue, anyway!"

Now Kinbu gave a matching glare at Vincent. "So all that means to you is your plot for revenge. I was only trying to help you out, and yet you still plot to kill me afterwards. You're despicable. I should kill you right now."

"I'd like to see you try," snorted Vincent. "You may be strong, but I've killed rogues a lot stronger."

Kinbu finally activated his gold-bladed lightsaber due to the previous comment and marched toward Vincent. "You underestimate my power, Vincent, and I'll prove it right here and now."

"You will try," said Vincent, as he fired a few shots at Kinbu. Kinbu, however, deflected each of Vincent's shots out of harm's way.

When Ron and Jack entered the restaurant, they were much surprised to find the defending stormtroopers inside already dead. Needless to say, the rest of the customers also inside are just as shocked.

"Well, that takes care of half our fun," said Ron. "I wonder who killed them."

"I don't mean to state the obvious," said Jack, "but judging from the troops being cut in pieces, I believe it's safe to say a Jedi killed them."

"A Jedi?" said Ron with disbelief. "But surely the Empire would have killed them all off by now."

"I'm only stating what I see, you know," said Jack, just as he spotted an old man a few feet behind Ron, wearing traditional Jedi robes. "Behind you, Ron!"

Ron turned around swiftly and instinctively made a kicking motion at the old man, who in response blocked the kick with his arm. "What the? You scared the jibblies out of me!"

"Have I, now?" said the old man. "Pardon me for asking, but have you seen a man in a creepy Burger King mask heading this way?"

"You mean you know Kinbu?" said Jack. "He's heading toward the dock as we speak. Just what do you plan to do with him, anyway?"

"If you must know," responded the old man, "I'm here to talk some sense into him. Since you apparently know him, do you know what he's up to, and what he did to you?"

"Oh, he just sent us to use some sequencer charges to demolish this restaurant," said Ron. "It's to set a message for the Empire, and revenge against the so-called Luesers."

"Hey, don't give him our life story!" said Jack.

"What was I supposed to do?" asked Ron. "He's a Jedi!"

"Enough, you two," interrupted the old man. "Oh, I knew he'd do something like this. I understand the revenge part, but just how do you think blowing up a small restaurant is going to make a difference, anyway?"

"You know," said Ron, "I haven't a clue."

"Me neither," said Jack. "We just assumed he was crazy, so we decided to cut him some slack."

"Hmm... it sounds like Kinbu turned to the dark side," said the old man. "I knew it. There's no hope for him now. You should turn back while you can, and forget about his mission. You seem like natural Luesers, anyway, so you'd blend in perfectly."

Ron gave out a few tears, with Jack following suit. "That's the biggest compliment anyone has ever given us," he said.

"Thank you, old man!" cried Jack, hugging the old man tightly, then turning to the rest of the customers watching. "Guys, we wish to join your humble planet after all!"

With that said, the customers cheered Ron and Jack on. They were so happy they decided not to blow up their favorite restaurant, some of them even decided to join in and group hug Ron, Jack, and the old man.

"We love you!" said the customers repeatedly in unison, as Ron and Jack began to blush.

"Oh, you guys," said Ron. "That's enough, seriously."

"Yeah, now you're all overdoing it," said Jack. "Besides, the old man needs to kill Kinbu now, so if you wouldn't mind, please get off and let him do his business."

With that said, the customers broke their hug and came behind the old man, with Ron and Jack following suit. Afterwards, the old man waved to the crowd, then turned around and headed out the door, with the crowd following behind.

"Finally," said Ron, "we're part of the crowd!"

"And one just as crazy as us," said Jack, while they marched behind the old man to the outside world.

Meanwhile, the battle between Vincent and Kinbu continued, although it could very well be called one-sided. Vincent couldn't even get a single blow to Kinbu, as he just kept deflecting the shots with his lightsaber. He couldn't even reload, given that he only had one arm. So all he could do was fire with unstable aim at Kinbu. When he fired his last shot, however, it got deflected and hit him right in the hand, putting a hole in his palm and making him drop the blaster.

Needless to say, Vincent screamed loudly and repeatedly stated, "You bitch! You BITCH!"

Kinbu then crept up toward Vincent slowly, his lightsaber ready to strike the final blow. Before he could kill him, however, he sensed a large crowd marching toward him, and more importantly he sensed his old master, Qui-Lex Foren, apparently leading the group. The group stopped right behind the catwalk to the landing dock, as Qui-Lex went all the way to the dock and stood between Kinbu and Vincent.

"Master?" said a surprised Kinbu, as Vincent continued to cry in pain and panic.

"Kinbu," said Qui-Lex, "I should have known you'd fall to the darkness so easily."

"Darkness?" said Kinbu. "Bullshit. I'm merely doing this world a favor with my attack on the Empire."

"By blowing up a restaurant?" asked Qui-Lex. "How could THAT set an example to anything? Even your two so-called friends questioned your morals on it."

Kinbu simply glared at Qui-Lex. "You mean to tell me that you drove Ron and Jack against me?"

"I did no such thing," said Qui-Lex, "you did that yourself."

Kinbu decided to ignore that statement, seeing as how he was the one who felt betrayed. "Just why are you interfering with my goals, anyway? If you're an Imperial yourself, I will not hesitate to destroy you."

"You assume so much of me," said Qui-Lex. "For one, I merely don't agree with said goals. But what I'm really concerned about is Vincent's safety."

Vincent stood silent after hearing Qui-Lex's statement, letting out nothing but a mere "What?"

"You're kidding me," said Kinbu. "I've trained under you for three long years, and you repay me by protecting the enemy? You're a traitor, Qui-Lex! You're a cold-blooded traitor, and you know it!"

"Again, you assume too much," said Qui-Lex calmly. "I never intended to betray anyone, but to protect Vincent was his father's dying wish. I have no choice but to honor that promise."

This got Vincent's attention more seriously. "No, you couldn't have known him. My father would never get acquainted with Jedi, rogue or otherwise!"

Qui-Lex turned halfway toward Vincent, but still kept watch of Kinbu. "Vincent, no one ever told you this, but your father was a rogue himself, that is, until he became my apprentice."

"You lie!" yelled Vincent.

"How would you know?" said Qui-Lex. "He died before you were even born, and you knew next to nothing about him until this very moment. Believe me, it makes perfect sense, as you're just as reckless as he was."

"No," said Vincent, as he began to cry again. "I don't believe it. I refuse to believe it!"

"Then you are lost, Vincent," said Qui-Lex, as he turned back to Kinbu and activated his blue lightsaber. "Kinbu, I leave this choice to you. If you want to kill Vincent, you'll have to go through me as well, but I suggest you back away before it's too late for you."

"I will not back down," yelled Kinbu, creeping up toward Qui-Lex with his lightsaber at the ready. "Not when you betrayed my trust."

"So be it," said Qui-Lex, as he went up to Kinbu, their lightsabers finally began to clash.

Vincent, having stopped crying, turned away from the battling duo and called to his personal army of stormtroopers, "Shoot them both down. If he has the nerve to call my own father a rogue, he deserves to die."

And so the battle began with two dozen stormtroopers, one dozen scattered around the dock and the other circling around in their carrier, firing their blasters wildly at the dueling Qui-Lex and Kinbu. Qui-Lex, who has had more experience in the Force than Kinbu, managed to dodge most of the blasts, and while he blocked Kinbu's blows, he managed to push a couple of stormtroopers off the dock. When he wasn't blocking Kinbu, however, he deflected blasts right back to a few more stormtroopers.

Kinbu, on the other hand, relied on his array of weapons to kill off the many troops. While holding his lightsaber in one hand and a blaster in the other, he swung at Qui-Lex and took out a few troops in the process. He then Force-jumped out of Qui-Lex's way and deactivated his saber to throw a couple of thermal detonators at the rest of the scattered stormtroopers. Once he landed back on the dock, the detonators went off and destroyed almost quarter of the dock, along with the rest of the stormtroopers. Finally, he threw another thermal detonator right at the carrier and reactivated his saber. As it landed right in the middle of the ship, it went off and sank the entire ship and the troops with it.

As for Vincent, he just kneeled there, scarred from the fact that Qui-Lex and Kinbu actually stood a chance against two dozen stormtroopers. Although they themselves received minor injuries from their blasts, they continued to have their heated battle in front of him. And with his only hand too damaged to make any retaliation, all Vincent could do was cry. After all, there was no longer any hope for him and he knew it.

Meanwhile, Qui-Lex and Kinbu's duel continued. Kinbu used the smoke emitted from the thermal detonators and charred debris to hide himself from Qui-Lex. However, that didn't seem to fade Qui-Lex, as he could still use the Force to sense him coming. Therefore, Kinbu remained on the defensive until the smoke cleared. That was when he charged all out and locked his and Qui-Lex's sabers together.

"I know what you're trying to do," said Qui-Lex, "but a test of strength isn't going to work on me. Please, turn back while you still can."

After hearing this, Kinbu smirked, taking one hind off of his saber to pull out an Imperial repeater. Then, while he had Qui-Lex's saber locked, he fired many rapid shots through Qui-Lex's chest. Qui-Lex then screamed in agony, as he collapsed on his back.

"Kinbu," said Qui-Lex weakly, "I must have underestimated you."

"Honestly," replied Kinbu, showing little remorse over what he has done, "did you really think I was going for a test of strength?"

"Good point," said Qui-Lex, feeling the burning sensation in his chest. "I see there's no hope in turning you back."

"Guess not," said Kinbu, watching Qui-Lex's suffering.

"Kinbu... I beg you... don't hurt Vincent." Those were the last words Qui-Lex would ever say, as he died shortly thereafter.

Kinbu stood there for about a minute, wondering why it had to turn out the way it did. He then shrugged it off and headed straight toward Burger King, the crowd booing him much more than they ever had in the past three years.

'Don't think this is over, Vincent,' he thought to himself. 'I'll come back for you shortly.'


	7. There's a Sith Who Wants You

Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of... well, that should be obvious.

**Chapter 7**

**There's a Sith Who Wants You to Have it His Way**

It was all over for Vincent MacDougal. The stench of dead stormtroopers surrounded him, as he kneeled down and shed tears. He couldn't believe what just happened; the rogue Kinbu cut off his arm and damaged his remaining hand, the Jedi master Qui-Lex tried to convince him that he was born in a family of rogues, and both of them finished off his personal army like they were nothing. On top of that, he was sure to be caught by Imperial officials after escaping from their clutches, and yet there was little he could do about it.

Once Vincent got up, however, he saw yet another Imperial shuttle landing narrowly onto the dock. He saw the hatch open, and sure enough, his former superior Darth Vader stepped out. He couldn't see what was behind his black mask, but he could sense just how angry he was.

"L-Lord Vader," stuttered Vincent, "I tried to catch him, but he got-"

"Enough," interrupted Vader. "You have done more than enough damage already."

"But my Lord, I can still lead you to-"

"I have a team of scouts searching the area as I speak, Vincent. There is no longer any need for you."

Vincent stood somewhat shocked, knowing what would happen next. "If you could just give me another chance-"

Vader then raised his hand and shaped it into a gripping motion. "You have been charged with treason, Vincent. You would think being a rogue Jedi would be warning enough."

As Vincent had predicted, he found himself levitating in midair, completely unable to breathe. He knew he didn't have much longer to live, so he silently cursed the rogue Kinbu for all he's done to him, and he silently told Donovan and Dwayne that he would be coming for them. Finally, he collapsed onto the dock, now dead stiff.

Vader gave a final look at Vincent, noticing the hint of terror in his face just like the rest of his victims. He then turned around, and was greeted by a couple of stormtroopers.

"We found the target, Lord Vader," replied one of the troops. "He's at the front door as we speak."

"Good," said Vader. "Report to the rest of the scouts and tell them to head back to base. I will deal with the rogue myself."

"Yes, my Lord," said the stormtrooper, as Vader headed toward the direction of the Burger King restaurant.

As Kinbu marched forward to Burger King, he couldn't help but feel betrayed. Vincent, Ron, Jack, and even Qui-Lex turned their backs on him, even though he knew what he was about to do would be the right thing. Of course, it would be a tough job alone, but he felt he had no choice. So he went to the front door, his backpack of weapons at his disposal, when the door was suddenly blocked by two familiar individuals.

"Well, what do you know?" said Kinbu. "It's Cracker and Jackass!"

Ron and Jack shuddered at the sound of the nicknames given to them back at the Jedi temple. The crowd around them booed Kinbu heavily after his remark.

"Look, Kinbu," started Ron, but was interrupted by Jack screaming, "DON'T CALL ME JACKASS!"

"Hey," said Kinbu, "I stand by my name calling. It serves you right for betraying me."

"Well, it serves YOU right for pulling that revenge plot out of your ass!" yelled Jack.

"Yeah," said Ron, "what kind of dope has Burger King got you on?"

"And where can we get some?" retorted Jack.

Kinbu rolled his eyes, having known that Ron and Jack wouldn't know any better. "They got me on Prozac, but that's beside the point. Just let me get my mission over with, so I can tell the Empire to shove their corporate bullshit down their throats."

"But Kinbu, we LOVE this restaurant," said Ron with exaggeration, "and we love the people here! You don't expect us to betray those who let us fit in, do you?"

"Prozac?" complained Jack. "You pussy."

"Shut up, Jackass," replied Kinbu in an annoyed tone, "and for the record, YOU were the ones who betrayed ME, remember?"

"Oh, like you weren't asking for it," said Ron, as Jack threw one of his shoes at Kinbu, hitting him straight in the face.

"AND STOP CALLING ME JACKASS, DAMMIT!" screamed Jack in fury.

Kinbu barely felt the shoe impacting his head, as the creepy Burger King mask he still wore protected him. "Seriously, what about the Empire? Don't you want to get revenge on them for all they did to you?"

Ron just laughed at Kinbu, implying he couldn't be any denser than he was at that moment. "Kinbu, my dear, I'm just glad the Empire let us live."

"Because you two are PATHETIC in their eyes!" screamed out Kinbu, activating his gold-bladed lightsaber. "You know what, forget it. I'm just going to kill you both now and get it over with."

Jack didn't even show the slightest bit of fear, as he saw the black-armored man he recognized as Darth Vader head in his direction. "Go ahead, Kinbu. I'm sure we'll see you in the afterlife shortly."

"I don't intend to die, you know," replied Kinbu.

"Then you probably should... oh, I don't know... run like hell?" said Ron, also spotting Darth Vader. "It's only a suggestion, though."

"What are you talking about?" said a confused Kinbu, as Ron and Jack turned him around to face a menacing Vader right next to him. "Well... shit."

Shit indeed. The ever-so-pissed Darth Vader had to endure Vincent's idiocy and betrayal in the past two years, as well as carry out the Emperor's pointless mission to conquer Lue. The last thing he needed at that moment was another rogue attention whore try to blow up a building for no good reason.

"So, this is the infamous Creepy Burger King," said Vader. "I sense much hatred in you for an attention whore."

"Save it, my lord," said Kinbu sarcastically, raising his saber to point toward Vader.. "I can sense you've done something with my vermin. What did you do?"

"Vincent MacDougal has committed treason against the Empire," replied Vader, not even heeding attention to Kinbu's golden saber. "Therefore, he has been dealt with accordingly."

Kinbu simply glared with contempt, knowing full well what Vader did. "So, you killed my vermin. Are you going to destroy the cave as well?"

"I am under the Emperor's orders to leave the restaurant intact," said Vader, activating his red lightsaber. "If you plan on destroying it yourself, then you shall die."

"Bring it," retorted Kinbu, as he crossed blades with Vader. The crowd around the two duelists began to cheer with cries of "VADER, VADER, VADER," as Ron and Jack began to move around while taking bets on how Kinbu would be killed.

"I got one thousand credits on decapitation!" yelled a customer in the back.

"I got twenty thousand on being strangled to death!" yelled another customer.

"Oh YEAH? I'll take one hundred thousand on suicide!" yelled yet another customer, as Ron and Jack went to the front of the line to confirm the outcome of Vader and Kinbu's duel.

And it was quite clear that Vader had the advantage. Kinbu tried everything he could to finish him off, but the attempts were all in vain. He tried throwing thermal detonators, but Vader managed to jump out of the way as the detonator killed a few members of the crowd in the process. His blasters weren't much help, either, as they barely seemed to fade Vader at all. So all he could do was block Vader's advancements, and he knew he wouldn't last for long.

"Indeed the dark side is with you, young rogue," said Vader, Force-pushing a few crowd members out of the way, "but your powers are too weak."

"Watch it, my lord," replied Kinbu, once again in a sarcastic tone. "I'm still powerful for a rogue."

"And yet you're still unmatched for a Sith lord," said Vader, his lightsaber damaging the windows of the restaurant.

It wasn't long before the duelists inadvertently moved their way into the restaurant, and it was seemingly inevitable for the crowd to move in as well. It was also seemingly inevitable for the crowd to tauntingly chant Kinbu's name in slow motion. Naturally, this distracted Kinbu long enough for Vader to slash off both of his hands in one blow.

"DAMN YOU, CROWD!" screamed an utterly defenseless Kinbu. "YOU CHEATED!"

Vader then crept up toward Kinbu, his saber ready to strike at any moment. "I have you now, rogue."

If Kinbu still had his hands, he'd give Vader the finger and try to run out. Since he didn't have his hands, however, he just simply performed the latter. Unfortunately for him, though, he was interfered when Ron and Jack went out of the crowd and restrained what was left of both of his arms.

"What are you doing?" growled Kinbu. "Are you SERIOUSLY trying to get me killed, You fucking traitors?"

"Look, I don't like this any more than you do," said Ron, "but you've screwed yourself to the point where it isn't funny anymore."

"So just give up already," said Jack. "What makes you think there are still people around that gives a damn about you?"

Kinbu growled once again, as Vader once again swung his saber above his head. Before he could speak any further, the red-bladed lightsaber came into contact with the top of his skull and swiftly went downward to his crotch. The final result was the Kinbu was vertically cut in half and died almost instantly. Needless to say, the entire crowd cheered.

"Okay, who had vertically cut in two?" said Ron, as almost the entire crowd went up and paid him and Jack their wagers while groaning simultaneously.

"Thank you," said Jack. "We'll be sure to put this money into good use. Oh, and Lord Vader, we need a word with you."

Vader, who was about to head out the door, overheard Jack's call and turned to him and Ron. "What is your bidding?"

"Hear us out here," said Jack. "We were hoping, since this is technically the Empire's planet now, that we could buy it from you."

"I'm sure we have more than enough credits to satisfy your Empire," replied Ron. "You could use it to fund an invasion on some other lowlife planet."

Vader stood as intimidating as ever, although Ron and Jack were hardly faded. "It is really the Emperor's decision to make, although I have no doubt he won't be satisfied with your planet anyway."

"So you'll buy it from us, then?" asked Jack hopefully.

"You can keep your money AND your planet," said Vader. "The Emperor has no use for total gimps like you."

Ron and Jack didn't know what to say next. They were hoping they could save their newfound planet of equals from the Empire, but it turned out it didn't really need saving at all. Then Ron came up with an idea, one that would have made Kinbu's death all in vain.

"Can we at least buy the restaurant from you?" asked Ron. "We have over half a billion credits here, and I'm sure you can handle one less Burger King in your franchise."

"You don't have to, of course," said Jack, "but if you wanted to... it's just a suggestion..."

Vader stood silent for a moment, his breathing noise intimidating at least half the crowd. After a few minutes of stoned suspense that would put even most action movies to shame, Vader came up with a decision.

"It is acceptable," said Vader, as he took Ron and Jack's cards worth over half a billion and left the restaurant.

The entire crowd cheered again, this time for Ron and Jack. They just saved the Luesers' favorite restaurant, and they were happy to see them as the new owners.

"Thank you, thank you," said Jack, "but we couldn't have done it without you, you know. Now, I believe a new name for this restaurant is in order."

"How about 'Ron and Jack's Restaurant for Loony Luesers?'" said Ron. "It does have quite of a ring to it."

"No, I was thinking of something more like 'Ron and Jack's Exile for Trolls and Flamers," said Jack. "Our mascot could be a flamboyantly gay troll! Sounds tempting, doesn't it?"

"Yes, I like that better," said Ron. "And our slogan could be, 'For the Luesers, by the Luesers.'"

"Too cliché," said Jack. "Now here's a slogan: 'Once you flame with Ron and Jack, you never want to go back "

And so Ron and Jack fulfilled their dream and remade the restaurant, although it wasn't quite as expected. For one, the customers increased twofold in three weeks. Second, in order to increase profit, Ron and Jack began to auction off certain items, including Kinbu's gold lightsaber and his Burger King mask. Finally, they held weekly game nights, where they played Counter-Strike for hours on end. With these modifications, Ron and Jack's new restaurant became infamous throughout Lue, and that's exactly how they imagined it.


End file.
